


I Could Never Hold a Perfect Thing and Not Demolish It

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Series: Shadowhunters Tarot Series [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Abandonment, Gen, Starting Over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:01:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23155993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: Upon his arrival in Edom Jonathan laments the loss of his old life until he realizes it was simply never meant for him.
Relationships: Jocelyn Fairchild & Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern | Sebastian Verlac, Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern | Sebastian Verlac & Valentine Morgenstern
Series: Shadowhunters Tarot Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1664110
Comments: 10
Kudos: 15
Collections: Shadowhunters Tarot Challenge





	I Could Never Hold a Perfect Thing and Not Demolish It

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the collection's second card: Death. "A skeletal hand reaches up from the darkness to curl its thin fingers around the stem of a beautiful white rose. The fragile petals begin to disintegrate, fading and sweeping away into the breeze.
> 
> Death can be a terrifying card to receive but very rarely does it signify the physical death of a loved one. While this card does symbolize transformation and rebirth, that growth can only come from the loss and death of something else. That can be a painful process whether it’s the end of a job, a relationship, or even a part of ourselves. 
> 
> Death is an inevitable part of the cycle of life, and in that, we can take some comfort. Whatever we lose isn’t meant to live any longer. It has come to the natural end of its cycle, and there is a rightness in that.
> 
> When this card appears, make sure you have support. Take care of yourselves. The dying is going to hurt. It’s going to suck. But you will come out the other end with the space to grow into something better."
> 
> And (as a bonus challenge I set for myself) focused on [this stunning Shadowhunter's Tarot set's Death:](https://twitter.com/SERAPHERZ/status/1159791401342652421?s=20) Jonathan Morgenstern.

There are no flowers to kill in Edom. 

It’s the first thing that crosses Jonathan’s mind when Lilith takes him there, away from the human world and into a place full of demons where the red clay of the ground seems to bleed into the fiery sky on the horizon, a never-ending sea of flame. Nothing beautiful could possibly grow here. Nothing pure could thrive. 

Perhaps that’s why he’s here, because try as he might he simply can’t be good enough for anyone to want to keep him: not his mother, not Valentine, and he wonders if not even Lilith will care to humor his presence for much longer than a year or two. It seems to be the trend in his life - the moment he believes he has something good going for himself he ruins it, and with it ruins any chance he’s ever had at happiness. 

Jonathan hates Edom. He’s stifled here, locked away from everything he’s ever known, everything he’s ever wanted to be a part of. He thinks that if he can just get out, just get another chance to show he can do better, that he can _be_ better… 

But that line of thinking will get him nowhere. No one is coming for him, no matter how much he hopes and prays, no matter how loudly he screams. 

Jonathan dreams of flowers. Fields of them, bouquets held by people he used to know, single stubborn buds rising up from the cracks of cement. He keeps his distance because he knows it’s what is safe, it’s what will keep people comfortable, keep them from fearing him, it will allow him to remain there among the vibrant colors and the growth and the _life_ again. But every single time he draws closer, and closer, his resolve breaking as he allows the color to welcome him and draw him near, and every single time the dreams end the same - with the petals withering to black in his presence. 

The dreams torment him, until one day he takes one look at the fields before him, turns, and walks away. 

That part of his life is over. He was never meant to thrive in the land of flowers, full of close-minded people who did not understand him, or value him, or appreciate him the way he deserves to be appreciated. But now he realizes - he wasn’t abandoned when they cast him away. 

He was set free. 

And here, among the dust and the death and the fire? 

Here he will grow, and here he will flourish, and one day the world of flowers will wither in his palm as it was always meant to. 

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com) and also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell)! <3 )


End file.
